10 Ways To tell if Martha Stewart Is stalking your dog.....

I got this from my Koolie Forum funny pages and I love it because I quite like Martha (except her issues with Erica Jong) and I think its so believable......

10. There's potpourri hanging from his/her collar.

9. The dog's nails have been cut with pinking shears.

8. The dog toys are all stored in McCoy crocks.

7. The pooper scooper has been decorated with raffia bows.

6. That telltale lemon slice in the new silver water bowl.

5. You find liver and whole wheat dog treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.

4. Dog hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.

3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of your dog's crate.

2. Your dog goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand-knitted sweater with matching boots.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW THAT MARTHA STEWART IS STALKING YOUR DOG IS...

1. The dog droppings in your backyard have been sculpted into swans.

Mothers Day 2006 ...My way

2IC returned from OS on Friday night with the usual DVD goodies for the kids and us. He got the kids a very nice ( I would have liked one too) leather like necklace with a marble tag inscribed with the kids names in Chinese characters and a saying or word that represents them. Miss 8's says "live the life you love, love the life you live" Mr 6's is "happiness" and Mr 3's is "freedom". I had given the two eldest money on Friday for purchases at a school Mothers Day stall for me and Nana. So I was getting SOMETHING. Mr 6 arrived home from school to show me the card and bookmark he had made in class despite Miss 8 yelling at him not to and that he needed to hide it from me. Mr 3 had made some flowers and a card at playgroup on Monday all of which got trampled and broken by visiting kids onThursday and Miss 8 and I put them back together and then she hid them for him. Sunday came about with the usual pre 0700 wake up of the boys and the information that it was morning, we sent them back to bed, which lasted all of about 1/2 a hour and then Miss 8 awoke all and sundry with her dulcet tones as she yelled at the terrible two to get out of her room. They then trooped in with various parcels and presents, Mr 6 got upset and had forgotten that he placed his card and book mark under my pillow the day before and the gift giving began. I got some very nice and well thought out things but I think I love the handmade stuff better then the bought stuff sometimes.
I lulled about in bed and 2IC made the kids breakfast, I am not one for eating in bed so I declined the stereotypical breakfast in bed, I had a late shower made my own breakfast and did the washing. 2IC had to visit his mother and as I had been with the kids for the week previous I decided I would stay home for some "me" time with "me". Call me anti social, call me selfish but its what I wanted and what I needed....I switched the TV to whatever I wanted, I snoozed, I read, cleaned, all without any one else about. I was enthralled in my umpteenth viewing of "The Way We Were" when the troops arrived home. Sometimes Mothers Day is about being happy in knowing you are a mother but not having to be one.